Monday 11 July 2016

Brrr

As the week progressed, I couldn’t seem to pull myself from the funk I was in. 

The girls had been wonderful. I decided to give them the full story when I came back from my run. Rather than Chelsea pulling the whole “I told you so” routine, she just listened to what happened. When I was done telling them everything, she stood and hugged me.

“You are better than that bullshit, Alya. Someday soon the right guy will come along and you will realize that you weren’t thrown away – you escaped.” She hugged me again, grabbed her keys and left.

Tara and I looked at each other and shrugged. Maybe Chels was still mad over our incident and wanted to make sure she didn’t throw it in my face, and needed time alone. However, she was back in about half an hour, armed with a pizza, brownies, ice cream and wine. Have I ever mentioned how awesome my friends are?

I had pretty much talked myself out of going on the camping trip, and started giving vague answers to anything pertaining to the trip. When Tara realized I was thinking of staying home, she drew herself up to her full height, and went off in typical Tara fashion.

“Alya, you are coming on this trip. We are all your friends and Brandon will be nowhere near us. Come have fun with everyone. Don’t give him the satisfaction of being miserable. Even if he doesn’t know if you are home or out doesn’t matter. He’s not thinking about you, so you need to stop thinking about him.”

Ouch! But she did have a point. Finally I gave in and said I would go, but I wasn’t promising to have a good time. Everyone at work had basically ignored what had happened – I suspect Chelsea asked Gary and Stephen to spread the word. Aside from a few side hugs and fist bumps, it was like it never happened. Still, I avoided being alone with anyone for any long period of time, and I used the excuse of trying to get everything organized for the trip as a reason to leave as soon as the night ended on nights I closed. 

I did notice Liam looking at me a few times like he wanted to make sure I was ok, but I made sure I was super upbeat around him, and always busy.

By the time Friday morning came I was starting to feel normal and like I could actually enjoy myself this trip. I was so excited everyone was still coming. I hate when people cancel at the last minute. 

Everyone agreed to meet at our place around 8:30am. We wanted to get packed and on the road so we could get there early afternoon and have plenty of time to set everything up before it got dark. 

We were lucky that Ryan, Liam and Gary all drove SUV type vehicles so we were able to pack the tents and everything else we needed. 

James jumped in with Ryan as they are best friends and do everything together. I swear they are more like girls sometimes. Tara decided to jump in to catch up with her cousin and Shelli joined her so she wasn’t the only girl.

Before we could even decide how to split the rest of us up, Melissa yelled claim to driving with Liam, and made Kelsey get in as well. Stephen quickly followed as he has a bit of a crush on Kelsey.
That left Gary, Chelsea and I in the last one. 

We had decided to stay in the tents with the same people we drove with so that it was much easier to unload and find our own stuff at the site. This meant we ended up taking most of the food with us since we had a bit more room. I didn’t mind at all. This meant I could jump in the back seat and not need to make small talk the entire way.

By the time we arrived at our spot I was actually feeling pretty good and happy that I decided to come. We quickly went to work setting everything up – putting up the tents, getting some firewood, securing the food and our belongings. This was a kind of unique site. We were pretty isolated from anyone else, but we had power and it was a short drive to a convenience store/building that had some food, ice, general necessities, showers and laundry facilities. We pretty much had everything we needed but would make sure our ice was topped up to keep the food from going bad. Food poisoning in the middle of the woods would be horrific.

Once everything was set up, we were all sweating like crazy. It was so hot out and we couldn’t wait to take full advantage of the lake. For the most part we had all hung out before and were comfortable so no one was too self-conscious. However, it still was a mixed group so of course we had to wear cute swim suits. However when Melissa stepped out of the tent my jaw hit the ground. She had to be wearing the skimpiest bikini ever. It looked so ridiculous out in the middle of the woods. It must have had the desired effect though as the group of guys who had been yapping at each other and play fighting suddenly went silent. 

Melissa walked up to Liam and handed him her suntan lotion. “Liam, can you please cover my back?” she asked. Well more like she purred. She turned her back to him and pushed her ass out a bit.
Liam turned bright red but took the lotion. He didn’t really have much choice unless he wanted to cause a scene. Melissa started faintly moaning as he massaged the lotion in. 

Gary and Stephen looked at each other and then Stephen said, “Time to cool off I think!” He ran off towards the water, with the rest of the guys close behind. Apparently, they forgot that the summer had only just started and the water wasn’t as warm as they expected. Watching them yell and hop all around as they tried to get their bodies adjusted to the temperature was hilarious.

“You are all a bunch of babies!” Tara cried as she walked towards the water. She stopped short though when the water hit her feet. She turned back towards us girls and grimaced. Pretending like the coldness didn’t bother her she said, “I’d show you how to take it like a man if I didn’t have plans to work on my tan today!” 

“Oh, hell no!” Ryan roared. “James go drag her ass in here. Then we will see who the baby is.”

“Why me?” James asked Ryan, “She’s your cousin!”

“Exactly!!” Ryan replied. “I’m not risking touching her girlie parts when she tries to get away from me!!”

“Oh so you think it’s better if I touch those spots?” James smirked. Ryan stopped in his tracks and glared at James.

“Umm excuse me? No one is touching my parts besides me, thank you very much!” Tara exclaimed and turned to spread her towel out.

“For the love of God!” Gary grumbled. He quickly thundered out of the water and grabbed the tiny Tara under one arm, tossing her towel away from the water. Then with his other arm, he managed to also snag Shelli. Within in seconds, all three of them were submerged in the water. The screams coming from both the girls scared the rest of us, as we edged away from the water. Within seconds though, we were caught.

Soon Chels, Kelsey and I were all thrown in the water by James, Ryan and Stephen. That only left Melissa not in the water. She started freaking out and demanding we don’t get her wet. Something about how her bathing suit wasn’t made for the water….err umm what??

I think she secretly was expecting Liam to come chase her as he was the only guy who had yet to throw someone in. At first some of us started walking in towards shore like we were coming after her but she threw such a tantrum we let her be. 

Once we got adjusted to the temperature the water was quite refreshing in the hot sun. We played like kids, chasing each other, dunking people under and even pairing up with the girls on top of boys shoulders to try and knock the others down.

Every now and then Melissa would call out from where she was laying on her towel and say things like “You better not come after me!” or “Promise me you guys won’t throw me in”, so I pretty much confirmed she just wanted the attention. We pretty much ignored her and continued to act like children. It seemed like our throw back theme was already in action.

Finally we were all exhausted and we emerged from the water to lie on the towels we had spread about. As I looked around at my friends, stretched out with no cares, faces slightly red from the sun and hair all messy I couldn’t help but smile. I wish we would have thought to take a picture but I think the moment was captured forever in my mind.

Looking over at Tara, I  caught her eye and said, “I love you!”

“Uh…what do you want?” Tara asked back cautiously.

I laughed and tossed a pebble at her. “Nothing you dork! I’m just in a good place and wanted to tell you I loved you.”

“Aww!” She cooed and then jumped up and came over to my towel, bent down and hugged me.

I turned to my other side. “Chels, I love you too!” Ok I was feeling sappy now. Chelsea, ever so gracefully rolled over so she was now on my towel too and joined our group hug.

“Hey!! What about me?” Ryan hollered. “Save room for me!” 

He ran over and lay across us. Then suddenly everyone was jumping in, not wanting to be left out. I was getting a little squished being in the middle, but hey it was a nice feeling.

Melissa started complaining that we were getting her wet. Gary and Stephen looked at each other, and then they raised an eye in Kelsey’s direction. Kelsey gave a slight nod and lowered her head to hide her smile. 

The guys each grabbed an end of Melissa and within seconds she was flung into the water. I know girl code probably dictates I shouldn’t laugh but whatever. She deserved it, even if we were going to hear her whine for the rest of the night.

Monday 4 July 2016

Scummy

Note: Sorry it took so long to post. I have trouble getting each post started. Once I get the intro done I'm usually ok. I will try to make the next post more interesting and faster moving )
 
By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. I felt like I had run through every emotion there was to have in the past few hours. I felt bad that I brushed all my friends and co-workers aside but I was trying to process this in my own head.

I spent all of Sunday alone. I never told the girls what happened, although I knew they would hear about it through everyone else. Even though I was tired, I got up early and put on my running gear and grabbed a hoodie and headed out. I don’t even remember where I went or what I saw. The whole time was spent trying to get out of my own head and away from the flashbacks. It didn’t seem to matter how hard I pushed myself, the last few weeks just kept replaying over and over.

I finally found myself in one of our local parks. There was a decent sized pond with a path around it, as well as benches. I collapsed one and prayed everyone would just leave me be, I was not in the mood to make small talk.

After staring at the ducks chasing each other around for an hour, my mind slowly started to work itself out. I wasn’t aware it was possible to feel so many emotions at once. I was hurting. This was the second time I had been dumped in such a short period of time. While the relationships were totally different in every way, I still felt discarded and like I wasn’t enough.

Anger was another emotion high on my list. I was so angry that Brandon ended up being such a dick. I was angry that he let that stupid bimbo and her friend mock me. I was angry that he knew that I wasn’t a slut or a fuck buddy, but yet that was how he treated me. I was angry with myself for letting myself be used by him. I was even angrier that being with Brandon brought out a side of me that was passionate, free, and vocal…and that I hadn’t even known existed.

Being angry about the side of me I didn’t know existed also brought along emotions of fear and sadness. What if no one will ever make me feel that uninhibited or sexy again? Was sex with anyone else going to seem boring and unfulfilling?

So many other points ran through my head. We slept with each other. Why was I promiscuous but he wasn’t? 

There was a little bit of pride. At least I stood up for myself and didn’t just slink away. Although, perhaps I could have been a little bit classier with my words. I cringed.

I was embarrassed…oh man. How was I going to face my co-workers, especially Gary and Liam? Not to mention Chelsea who had been warning me?

Also to add to the embarrassment side was the fact that every now and then I would let my mind wander, and let there be hope. Maybe that chick was some client who he had to keep happy. Perhaps his parents were making him date her? What if this was like a rom-com and he’s going to find some wacky way to show me it’s me he wants? Ok these were pathetic and I knew they weren’t going to happen but it’s hard not to play the “what-if” game.

Finally I decided that my ass was becoming too numb and I needed to head home. I sighed, mentally preparing myself to explain all this to Chelsea and Tara.

I stood up and stretched for a few moments. Just as I turned to return to the trail, I ran right into a body. Looking up, I went to say “Sorry!”

Instead “WTF!!!” came out.

I had run right into the chick Brandon was out with last night. Seriously, does the universe hate me?
“Watch where you are going you idiot!” she snarled. Then she did a double take as she recognized me. “Oh look it’s the slutty Keebler Elf! Is one of these trees your home?”

“Oh fuck off!” I growled. I went to step around her so I could get as far away as I could.

“What’s the matter?” she asked in mock seriousness as she lifted her running shoe onto the bench to retie her laces. “Running is all about using your legs…you already know all there is to know about spreading them. Is the issue that you aren’t laying on your back or in the back seat of a car?” 

I froze, so angry my whole body seized up. I turned towards her. “What did you say?” 

I took a step towards her, my hands clenched at my side.

“Oh don’t worry – I know all about your pathetic trysts with Brandon. You would think I would be mad at him for even going near you, but every man has his weakness. His just happens to be easy targets. He loves when he can take what he wants with no challenge.”

“Go to hell!” I fired back and took a step towards her.

Looking unsure for a split second she took a step back but then she kept going.

“A word of advice – stick to screwing guys on your own level. Knowing how much time you likely spend on your knees, I doubt that levels’ too high so even you should be able to reach it.” She tilted her head to the side and sweetly smiled at me, almost like she was truly trying to be helpful. “Perhaps a makeover and hitting the gym would help too!”

At this point I was seeing red. Perhaps I did jump into bed too fast with Brandon, but I knew damn well I wasn’t out of shape or needing makeover.

“At least I’m not a spiteful, cold hearted bitch! I actually have a personality and a desire to be more than just a trophy wife!” I shot back. I knew I shouldn’t engage in this stupid battle but I took a couple of steps closer to her.

“Hahah!”she laughed. “Saying ‘at least I have a personality’ is like admitting you are ugly! Everyone knows that!”

I came a bit closer to her and as I did she took a step back and stumbled, almost tripping over some baby ducks that had come from the pond.

“Ewww!!” she screamed. “Get away from me. Yuck! Yuck!” She tried kicking at the birds to make them move away from her. Instead, this caught the attention of the mama duck who came over to protect her ducklings. Within a matter on moments the mama was quacking and creating a huge commotion drawing the attention of the other birds nearby.

In an attempt to get away from them she forgot where she was and kept twisting away from the birds and taking steps backwards. The more she moved the faster the birds came at her. Suddenly, she tripped over an uneven spot on the grass and fell directly into the water. 

I gasped and then laughed like crazy as she tried to claw her way out of the water, covered in the disgustingness of the pond. She looked like a cartoon, throwing a temper tantrum in the water as the ducks continued to quack telling her she was unwelcome.

I figured karma was finally on my side and got back at her before I had to even lay a finger on her. I decided to get out of there, and ran off to the sounds of her swearing and shouting.

Knowing that this type of person was what Brandon considered a lady, really made me shake my head. I know I am far from perfect but I would never say the disgusting vile things she said to me to someone else. I still felt horrible and hurt but I knew I could move on from this. Sighing, I thought, it’s time to put dating aside for a while.