“I just don’t love you anymore, Alya.”
“I just don’t love you anymore, Alya”. Those words
just kept repeating over and over to Natalya – Alya for short. It had
been three long weeks since Peter, her boyfriend….well ex-boyfriend
now, had dropped that bomb on her. No matter
how Alya tried to forget the pain for even a moment, that one sentence
just kept repeating itself over and over, haunting her day and night.
It’s not like Peter was prefect. In fact, he was
far from it. He could be cold at times. He often cancelled plans with
her to hang out with his boys. More than once he hinted that her weight,
which she struggled with, was slowly creeping
up. Although he would never come right out and make a direct comment,
he would do little things to put her down. They would go out to eat on a
Friday night and he would wait until she ordered a cheeseburger and fries, and then he would roll his eyes at her,
and order a salad and a plain chicken breast.
Alya was never sure why she put up with it. She
knew better than to allow people to walk over her, use her and to
disrespect her. A lot of people in her past probably didn’t treat her
all that well and she learned to get over those relationships
and move on. So why was this any different?
Ok there was that first Christmas when they were
together and neither had much money, or a car. Alya was living in a
smaller town outside the city with married couple she was friends with,
trying to save on rent. Sadly they had gone back
to their hometown for Christmas, leaving her alone. As soon as the
early morning Christmas festivities were over, Peter called a taxi so
that he could come spend the day together so she wasn’t alone. He even
brought her a massive teddy bear as a gift. Completely
impractical, and overwhelmingly cheesy, but she loved it. They spent a
great day together cuddling and watching the Disney Christmas Parade on
the tv. Well until she ate some dodgy left overs and ended up with food
poisoning – but that’s another story.
Rewinding through past memories she remembered all
the good times they shared. How he always let her pick the restaurant.
Peter taking her to a theme park even though he wouldn’t get on the
rides. Buying her perfume for no reason. Singing
along to the radio in the car as they drove around aimlessly. Hanging
out with their friends and for once not feeling like the third wheel.
Cuddling up on the cold days, dreaming of the future. So many memories
came rushing back, that it felt like an avalanche
she couldn’t escape from.
Alya glanced in the mirror and realized she was
crying yet again. She was a complete mess. It was a vision similar to
what every girl sees after a night of hard core drinking – with makeup
smeared all over their face and hair that had just
a few hours before had been perfectly styled that was now a mass of
tangles and knots. Only there was no makeup and it wasn’t hours before
that her hair looked great. In fact Alya couldn’t remember the last time
she even ran a brush through it.
Suddenly something inside her snapped. She had
enough moping and living her life in a trance. Out of nowhere all the
good memories she shared with Peter were gone. Instead she remembered
every rotten, miserable, inconsiderate thing that
he ever did. Grabbing a trash bag from the kitchen she began to fill it
with every single thing that reminded her of him. Clothes he had left
behind, pictures of the two of them, gifts and trinkets he had given
her. All of them went into the bag. She stripped
the sheets off her bed and shuddered. How long had it been since she
washed them anyways? His scent still lingered and she had been unwilling
to let that go.
Alya threw open the curtains to let some air in and
then went to town scrubbing every part of her room to remove all traces
of Peter from her life. Once her room was immaculate, she didn’t stop
there. She went into the living room she shared
with her roommates Chelsea and Tara, and continued her cleaning binge.
Only when she was satisfied all traces of him were gone, did she realize
she was dripping in sweat and in need of a shower. She headed to the
bathroom, stripping her clothes along the way.
Just as she went to step into the shower she glanced at the bathroom
vanity and noticed his toothbrush besides hers in the holder. The tears
came back as if they had never stopped. Alya sank to the floor, and
sobbed.
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