I'm Sorry

I was in misery. Neither Chelsea nor Brandon texted me.

I had to work Tuesday night and by the time I came home the house was in darkness. I thought about waking Chelsea up, but I didn't want to make it worse. The night was spent tossing and turning, trying to fall into a deep sleep. By the time the morning came, I was exhausted. By the time I got up, Cheslea had already left.

As I was standing in the kitchen waiting for some toast to pop up, Tara came running through the door.

"Hey, just grabbing my phone," she called over her shouder as she dashed towards her room. "I forgot it this morning when I left, and I don't want Anthony thinking I'm avoiding him!" Ever since that night at the bar, Tara and Anthony had been texting. Between both their schedules they hadn't been able to meet up, but Tara was hoping they would be able to hang out soon.

"Sorry, I have to rush right back out," Tara said. "If I'm late for class they will have my head." She was taking a summer class that would help give her a little edge when it came to looking for jobs once she graduated. Tara wasn't always the best student so she wanted to stay ahead while she could.

I watched her rush back out the door, and wished she had time to talk. I wasn't sure if she had spoken to Chelsea or not. She didn't seem to be mad at me but then again maybe she just didn't want to be in the middle.

Even though I had never made the first move with Brandon, I decided that I should text him. I felt like he over reacted but I did feel bad that he got hurt.

Alya: Hey, I just wanted to check in with you. I hope that you are feeling better. Maybe I can cook for you as a way to make up for it?

I  didn't expect a response for a bit so I put my phone down. Not long after though my phone beeped, signalling a text.

Brandon: I'm fine. Busy at work. Have a good day

I frowned at my phone, not really sure how to take that message. I was happy that he was talking to me and not ignoring me. At the same time though, the message was quite short and not like our normal flirty texts.
 

I decided to make some cookies and deliver them to Brandon with a little note. For a man who had enough money to buy whatever he wanted, there was nothing I could think of that I could afford but that he would also like. Well perhaps aside from sex, and I wanted to see if we could branch out relationship out a bit from that. Besides, I would bake double and leave the rest for Chelsea. It was a cheap ploy but I was desperate.

I whipped up a double batch of my Gooey Chocolate Butter cookies that everyone loved. Seriously these cookies are so good. I found two gift boxes and tissue paper and arranged everything nicely. Then I quickly wrote a note to go with each.

Looking at the clock I noticed I didn’t have a lot of time left. I quickly cleaned my mess, jumped into the shower and got ready for work. I left Chelsea’s cookies on her desk so I know she would be the one who got to eat them, not just someone random who stopped by. For Brandon’s I wanted to drop them off with the doorman at his condo on my way to work. I just hoped he remembered me and didn’t think I was some crackpot trying to poison Brandon!

Work was fairly busy for a Wednesday night and I was happy because that meant I couldn’t spend the night obsessing. Management was happy with the way I progressed so I was officially a full bartender now. A while back I had taken all the relevant courses and such to be prepared and  I was thankful for that. This also meant I could pick up shifts in either position now so that was a great help with trying to work lots of hours. 

When the night ended, we spent an hour or so relaxing before we made our way home. There was some brief conversation about the camping trip which everyone was looking forward to; although some of our friends were disappointed they couldn’t make it. That’s one shitty part of working at a bar – it’s really hard to do stuff outside of work because someone is always working. I think that’s why we liked hanging around when we closed for a few drinks.

As we were leaving, Liam offered to walk me to my car. In all honesty this isn’t a big deal, and I never thought twice about it. Usually we always try to ensure the girls leave in pairs or with one of the guys to ensure safety. A few years ago, one of our waitresses refused to serve someone as they were too drunk. The next night, the guy was waiting for her and assaulted her. Thankfully someone heard her yelling and the police were called before it got too bad. Now the management takes no chances.

“Are you ok, Alya?” Liam questioned, looking at me as we walked outside. “You seemed awfully quiet tonight? Or perhaps it’s just me you aren’t talking to?”

I smiled at him to show I wasn’t mad or uncomfortable. I have a feeling he would be a great guy to talk to but it felt too weird to bring up Brandon. “I just feel bad because I was a bitch to a friend this morning. She hasn’t texted me since and that makes me sad. I hate fighting. I even baked her cookies as a peace offering.”

“Aww, I’m sure she will forgive you, it can’t be that bad.”

I grimaced in response, thinking of just how bad I treated Chelsea.

Trying to make me feel better, Liam joked “Well, I can offer to let you get mad at me if you promise to bring me cookies as well! Just no oatmeal raisin! Yuck!!”

Looking at him in mock horror, I gasped “You shut your mouth! Oatmeal raisin doesn’t get the love it deserves!”

We continued to banter until we got to my car. He waited until I unlocked my door, and then pulled me in for a hug. “I’m sure it will all work out. Don’t stress!”

He let go, waved goodbye and headed across the parking lot. I kind of wished he would have hugged me longer. He smelt so good – seriously how is that even possible after working all night? I was glad things weren’t uncomfortable between us.

When I got home, I was as quiet as possible. Sometimes I can be loud and clumsy coming in late and I didn’t want to give anyone a reason (another reason?) to be upset with me. Stepping inside however I noticed Chelsea lying on the sofa with her laptop, sleeping. I guess she fell asleep watching something. I was debating on if I should wake her up so she could go to bed, when her eyes opened and she looked at me.

I waited to see how she was going to react. She stretched, turned off her laptop and asked me what time it was.

Hmmm…well at least she’s talking to me. I told her the time and then went and sat beside her. My eyes started to well up as I began to apologize.

“Chels, I’m so, so sorry!” I started. “I really didn’t mean what I said. I was having a bad morning and I took it out on you.”

She looked at me for a moment and then said, “You really hurt me you know? All I ever want is for you to be happy, so of course I get concerned when I fear someone is using you.”

I started to interrupt with how Brandon’s not using me when she interrupted me.

“No Alya, just listen to me for once” she said getting exasperated. Then she calmed down and spoke quieter. “Watching you hurt over Peter sucked. Long before you even broke up, we could see how down you were when he treated you poorly. You are like a sister to me so when you are hurting; I just want to protect you.”

I hung my head as she continued. “For you to say that I was jealous really was like a slap in the face. I have been considered a “boyfriend stealer” or snobbish before, simply because other people think I’m pretty or conceited. I know sometimes I get attention but I don’t ask for it. In fact I wish people would actually take the time to get to know me rather than to judging me. You know all of this. So for you to tell me I was upset Brandon “choose” you over me, you have to know how angry that made me.”

“I know,” I replied ashamed. Everything she said was true. Chelsea is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, yet she is constantly put down by others. Everyone assumes she’s out to steal their man or that she thinks she’s better than everyone. In fact though, she’s one of the most down to earth people I know, and didn’t have a mean bone in her body.

I looked her in the eyes, and softly. “I really have no excuse. I was horrible to you and I’m sorry. I know you aren’t jealous. Even if you were, you would never show it. You have always been there for me and I don’t want that to change.”

Reaching out, I hugged her, thankful she decided to talk to me and allow me to apologize. She hugged me back, and then pulled away.

“Act like that again, and I will kick your ass!”

We both decided it was time for bed. After I took my make up off and changed, I checked my phone one last time to see if there was a text from Brandon. I was shocked to see he had sent a message about ten minutes ago.

Brandon: Feel like coming over?

I was so pissed off. No “sorry about this morning” or a thanks for the cookies. Just him, wanting me to come over. Obviously part of me wanted to go, to make sure we were ok and that he wasn’t mad at me, but I wanted more than just sex. Plus I had just made up with Chelsea, and while she had no say in what I did, I thought it may be rocking the boat too much if I went.

Finally I decided to just ignore the text. Perhaps it was just the cowards way out but I figured it was best. Hopefully if I didn’t come running he would put some thought into why, and apologize. Being the amazing person that I am, I would gracefully accept and then we could move forward. We would show everyone this was real and that he wasn’t using. Assuming everything was sorted out, I was content, and drifted off to sleep.