Scummy

Note: Sorry it took so long to post. I have trouble getting each post started. Once I get the intro done I'm usually ok. I will try to make the next post more interesting and faster moving )

 

By the time I made it home, I was exhausted. I felt like I had run through every emotion there was to have in the past few hours. I felt bad that I brushed all my friends and co-workers aside but I was trying to process this in my own head.

I spent all of Sunday alone. I never told the girls what happened, although I knew they would hear about it through everyone else. Even though I was tired, I got up early and put on my running gear and grabbed a hoodie and headed out. I don’t even remember where I went or what I saw. The whole time was spent trying to get out of my own head and away from the flashbacks. It didn’t seem to matter how hard I pushed myself, the last few weeks just kept replaying over and over.

I finally found myself in one of our local parks. There was a decent sized pond with a path around it, as well as benches. I collapsed one and prayed everyone would just leave me be, I was not in the mood to make small talk.

After staring at the ducks chasing each other around for an hour, my mind slowly started to work itself out. I wasn’t aware it was possible to feel so many emotions at once. I was hurting. This was the second time I had been dumped in such a short period of time. While the relationships were totally different in every way, I still felt discarded and like I wasn’t enough.

Anger was another emotion high on my list. I was so angry that Brandon ended up being such a dick. I was angry that he let that stupid bimbo and her friend mock me. I was angry that he knew that I wasn’t a slut or a fuck buddy, but yet that was how he treated me. I was angry with myself for letting myself be used by him. I was even angrier that being with Brandon brought out a side of me that was passionate, free, and vocal…and that I hadn’t even known existed.

Being angry about the side of me I didn’t know existed also brought along emotions of fear and sadness. What if no one will ever make me feel that uninhibited or sexy again? Was sex with anyone else going to seem boring and unfulfilling?

So many other points ran through my head. We slept with each other. Why was I promiscuous but he wasn’t? 

There was a little bit of pride. At least I stood up for myself and didn’t just slink away. Although, perhaps I could have been a little bit classier with my words. I cringed.

I was embarrassed…oh man. How was I going to face my co-workers, especially Gary and Liam? Not to mention Chelsea who had been warning me?

Also to add to the embarrassment side was the fact that every now and then I would let my mind wander, and let there be hope. Maybe that chick was some client who he had to keep happy. Perhaps his parents were making him date her? What if this was like a rom-com and he’s going to find some wacky way to show me it’s me he wants? Ok these were pathetic and I knew they weren’t going to happen but it’s hard not to play the “what-if” game.

Finally I decided that my ass was becoming too numb and I needed to head home. I sighed, mentally preparing myself to explain all this to Chelsea and Tara.

I stood up and stretched for a few moments. Just as I turned to return to the trail, I ran right into a body. Looking up, I went to say “Sorry!”

Instead “WTF!!!” came out.

I had run right into the chick Brandon was out with last night. Seriously, does the universe hate me?

“Watch where you are going you idiot!” she snarled. Then she did a double take as she recognized me. “Oh look it’s the slutty Keebler Elf! Is one of these trees your home?”

“Oh fuck off!” I growled. I went to step around her so I could get as far away as I could.

“What’s the matter?” she asked in mock seriousness as she lifted her running shoe onto the bench to retie her laces. “Running is all about using your legs…you already know all there is to know about spreading them. Is the issue that you aren’t laying on your back or in the back seat of a car?” 

I froze, so angry my whole body seized up. I turned towards her. “What did you say?” 

I took a step towards her, my hands clenched at my side.

“Oh don’t worry – I know all about your pathetic trysts with Brandon. You would think I would be mad at him for even going near you, but every man has his weakness. His just happens to be easy targets. He loves when he can take what he wants with no challenge.”

“Go to hell!” I fired back and took a step towards her.

Looking unsure for a split second she took a step back but then she kept going.

“A word of advice – stick to screwing guys on your own level. Knowing how much time you likely spend on your knees, I doubt that levels’ too high so even you should be able to reach it.” She tilted her head to the side and sweetly smiled at me, almost like she was truly trying to be helpful. “Perhaps a makeover and hitting the gym would help too!”

At this point I was seeing red. Perhaps I did jump into bed too fast with Brandon, but I knew damn well I wasn’t out of shape or needing makeover.

“At least I’m not a spiteful, cold hearted bitch! I actually have a personality and a desire to be more than just a trophy wife!” I shot back. I knew I shouldn’t engage in this stupid battle but I took a couple of steps closer to her.

“Hahah!”she laughed. “Saying ‘at least I have a personality’ is like admitting you are ugly! Everyone knows that!”

I came a bit closer to her and as I did she took a step back and stumbled, almost tripping over some baby ducks that had come from the pond.

“Ewww!!” she screamed. “Get away from me. Yuck! Yuck!” She tried kicking at the birds to make them move away from her. Instead, this caught the attention of the mama duck who came over to protect her ducklings. Within a matter on moments the mama was quacking and creating a huge commotion drawing the attention of the other birds nearby.

In an attempt to get away from them she forgot where she was and kept twisting away from the birds and taking steps backwards. The more she moved the faster the birds came at her. Suddenly, she tripped over an uneven spot on the grass and fell directly into the water. 

I gasped and then laughed like crazy as she tried to claw her way out of the water, covered in the disgustingness of the pond. She looked like a cartoon, throwing a temper tantrum in the water as the ducks continued to quack telling her she was unwelcome.

I figured karma was finally on my side and got back at her before I had to even lay a finger on her. I decided to get out of there, and ran off to the sounds of her swearing and shouting.

Knowing that this type of person was what Brandon considered a lady, really made me shake my head. I know I am far from perfect but I would never say the disgusting vile things she said to me to someone else. I still felt horrible and hurt but I knew I could move on from this. Sighing, I thought, it’s time to put dating aside for a while.