Just like Bread

I was waiting for Brandon to make some plans for the weekend. I really wanted to ask him to go camping which I hoped would open a door about our relationship. Instead after we went two rounds he called me an Uber. I really didn’t like the feeling it gave me. 

After I had come out of the bathroom, I noticed that he was in bed with the sheets pulled up to his waist and he was typing on his phone. Without looking up he told me that the driver would be there in 5 minutes so I should hurry and get down stairs.

I just stood there for a moment, looking at him. When he finally noticed that I wasn’t getting ready he looked up at me. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I just looked at him and then looked away. “Just looking for my shoes,” I lied. I know I should have said something but I felt weird. No, I felt discarded and used, but I was still scared to come off as desperate. I knew he had to work in the morning so I wasn’t too upset that he wanted some sleep, but I thought he would tell me he would see me soon. I waited for him to ask me about the weekend or make some sort of plans, but nothing.

His phone went off indicating the driver was downstairs. He got out of bed and walked me to his door. Leaning down he kissed my forehead and then told me to have a good night. I so bad wanted to say something but I didn’t. Anyone who saw me standing in that hallway would have questioned if I was on drugs. My hair was a mess, my shoes were in my hand and I was staring at his closed door like I was lost. I finally stumbled my way into the elevator and made my way home.

I woke up Friday feeling like shit. Not just from the alcohol I’d consumed, but that wasn’t helping either. I wanted to talk to someone so badly but I already knew the girls weren’t a huge fan of me being with Brandon. My friends at work weren’t much help because I never told anyone I had seen Brandon again since the first night, plus they were pro-Liam. I couldn’t exactly call my mom up and talk to her about the guy I was hooking up with. My brother may have been a possibility once in my life but not now. We never used to have any trouble talking about sex and relationships. In fact he tried to get me into a relationship with one of his best friends Landon. We were actually talking about making plans to go out when suddenly my brother freaked out and wouldn’t let us near each other. I guess he finally realized that if this went anywhere, his friend would be shagging his sister and he couldn’t handle that thought.

Going to the gym seemed to be my best option. I could work off some aggression and get out of my own head. Besides, my body was finally in the best shape it had ever been and I wanted to keep it that way. Working the hours I had planned this summer meant I wouldn’t always have free time to work out and I needed to get it in while I could.

After the gym, I ran a few errands – picking up a few groceries, dropping off a few things I needed mailed and then grabbed a salad to take home from lunch. I had purposely left my phone at home so I didn’t check it obsessively. I dropped all my stuff on the kitchen counter, then looked at my screen. One new message. I smiled and opened it, waiting to see what Brandon said. Only it wasn’t Brandon. It was Carla from work, asking if I could work longer tonight as she wanted to get off early. I sighed, typed in that I would and sat down to watch tv as I ate my food. 

I watched a few random daytime tv shows, had a shower and did my hair and make up and still no word from him. As I was getting ready to head off for work I quickly typed:

Alya: Miss you J Hope you are having a good Friday!

I know it’s sad but part of me just hoped he forgot we didn’t have plans. I figured it didn’t hurt to mention it was Friday.

Work was crazy busy but it kept me distracted. A few people had recently quit – people who were now done school and went home for the summer or those who moved on to better jobs. Plus there seemed to be an endless amount of things going wrong all night. One of the cash machines wouldn’t work, the nozzle for the draft beer kept getting stuck, we ran out of wings…the list just went on and on. 

When we finally closed for the night, we all just collapsed into the booths. We still had to restock and clean but no one had the energy. After a few drinks, some people started looking like they were going to fall asleep. Finally the night manager Jared made us all get up to finish our work. We all moaned but started moving. 

Liam stopped in front of the table I was sitting at and offered his hand to help pull me up. He slung his arm across my shoulders and walked with me to the bar.

“All my close duties are done,” he told me. “While you slackers were resting, I filed my incident reports, handed in my counts and clean up already. I will help you close down.” He had worked the door that night and the doormen's closing responsibilities were a lot less than anyone else’s. No one complained though – their job could get a lot more physical through the night and we knew they always had our backs if anyone caused trouble.

At that moment, with his arm around me, it would have taken nothing to lay my head on his shoulder and cuddle into him. It was soooo tempting but it also confused me. Why was this making me feel filled with anticipation. Anticipation for what? It was Brandon I wanted. Besides, this place is a rumour mill. If his arm stayed around me any longer, people would start to talk.

I ducked from under his arm with the guise of bending down to pick up the tray we used to stack the glasses and then send them through the dishwasher. I started gathering all the stuff that needed to be washed and tidying up the bar area. Liam looked at me for a moment then shrugged. He took a quick count of what needed to be refilled and then went off to gather what needed restocking.

We worked in silence until we were just about done. I told him I could take it from there and thanked him for helping me.

“No problem Alya.” He smiled. Then he stopped and turned towards me. “You know, I do like you but I won’t push myself on you. Either way I hope we can at least be friends. I hope I haven’t done anything to offend you.” He was looking at me questioningly, with his head slightly tilted to the side studying me. I suppose a guy like him didn’t get turned down often.

“No!! Not at all!” I exclaimed. “I think you are ho—wholesome, and umm nice and stuff!” Good grief Alya, nice recovery! Wholesome??? I couldn’t think of any other word to replace hot which was about to fall out of my mouth.

Liam scrunched up his face a bit and laughed. “Wholesome? Can’t say I’ve been described that way before. It sounds like how you describe a loaf of bread. Does this mean you think I’m squishy and crusty?”

I looked up at his smiling face and then down to his ripped body and blushed. 

“Umm no, no not at all,” I stuttered. “You are just a really nice guy and any girl would be lucky to have you.”

He just looked at me like he expected me to say more. Finally he winked at me, gave me one last smouldering look and said, “Well, then I guess I need to find that lucky lady!” He grabbed his stuff and said his goodbyes to everyone as he left.

Part of me wanted to follow him and tell him that I wanted to be that lucky lady. That one more look like that, and I would do whatever he wanted me too. But then I looked down and saw my phone and remembered Brandon.

Brandon. The one who never replied back to my miss you text. The one who dismissed me last night. The one who also arouses me like no other and makes me forget how to breathe. The one who I wanted to be with right now, but who apparently didn’t need to be with me.

I sighed, clocked out and made my way home. To my own bed. Alone.