Now I Know

I followed Brandon outside, ready to start yelling the moment we were past the front door. Before I even got the chance he started in on me.

“Jesus fuck, Alya! What the hell was that?” he fumed. 

I stared at him open mouthed. Fury rose up in me and I let it loose.

“What the hell was that? What do you mean, what the hell was that?” I shrieked. “Why would you let her speak to me like that? In fact why did you bring her to my work? Most importantly, I thought we were together. How could you do this to me?” 

By now the tears were streaming down my face. It was one of my biggest flaws. As soon as I got in an argument I cried, even though I tried so hard not to. I looked at Brandon for some answers. I prayed there was some reason why tonight happened.

“Alya, we were never “together”. I’m sorry if that’s the impression that you had, but you came to that conclusion on your own.”

“So if we were never together,” I questioned, “then why did you take me on a date or buy me flowers?”

He shrugged. “I saw the way you acted after the first time we slept together. I knew you needed to feel like you weren’t a whore. If I wanted to get in your pants again, I needed to play your game.”

My head snapped up. “My GAME!” I hollered. “What game? You pretty much just admitted that you knew I didn’t want to just be a fuck buddy, especially if it happened again, which it did…and you manipulated me! You know how messed up I was about Peter calling me a slut and you totally took advantage of me!”

By this time I was pretty much screaming at him. I felt like someone was standing before me that I didn’t even know. It hit me then, that I really didn’t know him. I made him into someone in my mind and assumed my fantasy was his reality.

“Oh come on,” Brandon snorted. “You don’t really think there was something between us do you? You sucked me off in an alley way for starters. You slept with me hours after meeting me. I run my own business Alya – I’m not going to ruin my image by dating with a common slut!”

“You sick son of a bitch!” I raised my hand and slapped him across the face. I don’t care for violence but I would have given anything to be strong enough to inflict some pain.

“It’s one thing to say that I misunderstood what was going on between us, but to call me a slut when you were the other half of our exploits is so messed up. At least I was in it blindly, thinking it meant something. You on the other hand, knew you were using me. You saw me as nothing but someone to use for your own pleasure. You call me a slut but you were the one sticking your cock inside me…so what does that make you?”

I was pushing my finger into his chest with every point I made, and he made a move to grab wrist. Luckily before he was able to grab me, Gary was able to step between us and push Brandon back towards the wall.

“Alya, are you ok?” he asked, looking me over. My hair had come out of the ponytail, the makeup had run all down my face and I was shaking. I have no doubt I looked pretty messed up.

Before I had a chance to reply Brandon spit out, “She’s goddamn psycho! Another chick spreading her legs and then crying about it.”

Gary punched Brandon in the stomach. As he doubled over in pain, Gary went to strike him again.

“No!!” I screamed. “Stop it! Don’t hit him!”

Gary looked at me with a look combined of confusion and disappointment. I can’t blame him really.

“Can I talk to you, for a minute?  Alone!”  I pleaded. Gary focused on Brandon with a look that ordered him to not move. He took me by the elbow and we moved a few steps away.

“Are you on crack?” he hissed at me. 

“No. Please, just listen to me!” I whispered. “I’d love nothing more than for you to kick the crap out of him but I know him enough to know it won’t end will for you. He will press charges and come after your job and the bar. He’s so used to getting his own way! He won’t take embarrassment well.”

“As much as I think he’s a lowlife scum, he’s sort of right.” I continued. “Plus he never did anything to me against my will.” I hung my head down in shame. I knew I did nothing wrong per se, but I did move to fast and more importantly I also ignored my best friends advice. 

Gary looked at me for a moment and then walked back over to Brandon. “I think it’s time for you and your friends to leave. I will get someone to go over and get them. You are not welcome here!”

Brandon tried to push past Gary and go back inside but Gary wouldn’t budge. Brandon started shouting his mouth off, asking if he knew who he was and how he demanded respect. Getting nowhere he threatened Gary’s job and claimed he was going to sue. When he still didn’t get his way, he started making a move towards Gary.

Without saying a word, Gary pointed up towards the roof. Brandon paused, and then looked up and saw a camera pointed down at us. “If you cause a scene, we will release this tape. I’m sure the media will have a field day with a PR guy pushing a girl around and then hitting a bouncer. I suggest you take my advice and leave.”

Opening his mouth to argue, Brandon growled “Fuck you!”

Then miraculously, the fight went out of him and he gave up.  He stormed past me, knocking me off balance his body connected with mine. Gary started to go after him, but I placed my hand on his arm. 

“Just let him go.” I said. “I’m ok, he didn’t hurt me. I need him out of my face.”

Walking back inside, I rushed past the bar. Liam saw how dishevelled and upset I looked and tried to stop me. Instead I kept going until I locked myself into the staff bathroom. I sat on the edge of the toilet and started to sob. 

After a minute I made myself stop and took deep breaths until I was calmed down. Unfortunately, we were already understaffed. There was no way Grant was going to let me go home early. I went and got my purse and fixed my hair and face as best as I could.

I peeked out onto the floor to ensure Brandon’s party had left. When I confirmed that they had, I took one last deep breath and headed out. Ignoring everyone, I fell back into my shift, running on auto pilot. I refused to talk to any of my co-workers, just stating I was fine. I saw when they give me funny looks but I didn’t care. As soon as we the night ended, I closed my till, tidied my area and then clocked out, not even bothering to say good night to anyone.